A Few Nonsense Limericks

There was an old lady whose dress,
Was the ugliest thing, I confess;
It sent critters running,
No matter how cunning,
They all feared that old lady’s dress.

There was a young lad whose mustache,
Gave his face a most terrible rash;
But he wouldn’t shave,
Rather go to the grave,
That prideful young lad and mustache.

There was an old man of Bilbao,
Who married himself to a cow;
Conversation was dull,
But the milk pail was full,
That oddball old man of Bilbao.


Plink was always warned to wear her shoes.
Her mums would say, “If you don’t you’ll lose
Your toes to nails or bees or you’ll meet
A borrish grumpkin who’ll gladly eat your feet.”

But feet stayed bare ’til a deep field stirred
And something so much worse occurred.
(Or better, depending on your view.
Funny how my likes might not be true for you.)

Every green thing growing in that field
Adored the feel of feet unpealed
Of awful straps all trapping
Little jailed piggies in need of unwrapping.

When that field felt unfurled toes
It grew straight up into her bones.
Her feet became a grassy green
And flowers crowned her like a queen.

Plink put down roots and threw up branches
With golden leaves and berries in bunches.
She’s now home to birds, bugs and squirrels,
Who knew shoe losing would flip worlds?

Her mums still tries to keep her trimmed,
But Plink was never known as prim.
That field will never give her back
And Plink is happiest with that.


Drawn by Jen

A Few More Nonsense Limericks

There was a young lad of Hoboken,
Who only had cups that were broken;
He’d pour and he’d pour,
The floor always got more,
That thirsty young lad of Hoboken.

There was an old man in a shack,
Perched precariously over a crack;
They said he’d fall in,
He just gave ‘em a grin,
That unworried old man in his shack.

There was an old lady of Godric,
Who developed an awfully odd tic;
Whenever she’d cough,
Her eyebrows would pop off,
That peculiar old lady of Godric.

The Sandman

There’s a creature called the Sandman
Who’s never seen the Sun.
It deals in deepest dreams
For nothing more than fun.

Nightly knighted by the Moon
It seeks out sleeping eyes,
Slipping in a pinch of sand
To loose lordly life-like lies.

You might think you woke the wild
Or just a shambling, brambly ramble.
Truth is it’s in the sand
And every speck’s a frightful gamble.

Every dream you’ve ever had
Started life among the worms,
And the Sandman found them all
On its own peculiar terms.

Sand from the Drowning Desert
Brings dreams of flying nude.
A little bit of kitty litter
And you’ll see colors come unglued.

Glimpses of the future
Can come from fallen stars.
Sand in webs will bring on terror
And rarely leaves its jars.

Some dreams connect to others,
Those grains are roughed up red.
The sand of unknown shores
Will leave you leaping out of bed.

The Sandman’s mostly dream now
(The best artists always are).
Enjoy its final gifts to you,
Its days of sand aren’t all that far.

A Few Nonsense Limericks

There was an old man of Mosul,
Who wanted to go back to school;
They said, “You’re too old!”
He said, “So I’m told!
But I never learned to listen, Mosul!”

There was an old lady of Ottawa,
Whose daily routine was a lot o’ blah;
To give it some spice,
She fought tigers thrice,
That bored old lady of Ottawa.

There was an old man of October,
Who cried, “It’s over!  It’s over!”
It had only begun,
His cries were undone,
That alarmist old man of October.

Gud Pom

Eye satte doun att tha taibl
Annd preyd, “Dere pome gaud, iph yo’r aybl,
Pleze healp mea wiht mai poming.
Mai eyz r blerd, mie thenkr’s romeing,
Llet mea sea tha tail, fyned theh wirds,
Sind tham two mee en hartfelt heards,
Folang frum teh thanking are
(Ai’ll taik credyt, bot bey shur tue shayr).
Ey nede sum halp, Ai knead et badd,
Y’ve ulmost oozed al thu wyrds Eye haad.
Aye liek thess wark, et’s kwite eksiting,
Ai’de jusst lyke ittt betor wethowt tho ri-“


Frown felt down…

So he pulled himself in
Leapt off the chin
And went for the grin!
But smiles can be miles
From any sort of worthwhiles.
A smirk didn’t work,
He just felt like a jerk.
He tried chubbed up cheeks
Livin’ life as a blowfish,
You might not even know this,
Your eyes can still run creeks…
Down frown hung…

Until he stuck out his tongue!