I finally won at baseball!
I have a base and the ball
And even got a bat.
Now give me the trophy
If you ever want them back!

The Chimney Snult is built to bolt
Down fiercely fiery holes.
In waves of living flame it floats
Among the ash and coals.

It sits and sips upon the smoke,
It gobbles every spark.
Once one loved flame is lit and stoked
It rises from the dark

And wraps itself in sun-kissed cloak,
Lord of the hungry light.
Just listen for a sooty croak
To know the Snult is nigh.

While eating every Santa Claus
Dressed like a lucky flare,
The Snult lives for a single cause,
It has but one cold care.

The winter gives a blazing birth
To fire in chimney cage.
In the heat and heart of the hearth
The Snult dreams of ice age.

Some folks wake up inspired,
Not grumpy, grim or tired.
We’re all weirdly wired,
I wake up outspired.

I used to fear the woods
Till I met its clawed and furred,
Shared berries and fish
And picked out their burrs.

I used to fear the sea
Till I met its scaled and finned,
With depthless wisdom
And endless toothy grins.

I used to fear the dark
Till I met its monsters,
The kindest creepers you will find
And scholarly on stars.

I used to fear other people
But that came to an end
When I learned they’re afraid of my friends.

When they put me on a stamp
I wonder how I’ll pose.
Will I go gussed and glammed
Or without any clothes?
Should I smile?
I like my scowl.
I want to share my style
But pics can’t capture howls.
I’ll be sent worldwide!
What will show me best?
I want to show my pride
In being beast and blessed.
When they put me on a stamp
I need to show that something more!
The perfect pic of what I am –
One of a bug or bat or boar.

I have a hunger
That must be fed,
Ever since I was younger
It’s danced through my head
Straight into my teeth
And I’ve chomped and chewed
With no mercy or guilt underneath –
A human is my food!
This need to feed
On livelier crops
Might be a frightful deed
But can’t be stopped!
Great grisly gobs
Fresh from the fleshy shelf!
Don’t get mad and make a mob,
I only eat myself.
Enough chit-chat!
I’m a horrible cannibal!

What’s that?

Boogers don’t count at all?

How am I so bad at this?
I wonder all so much.
I’d drown as a fish!
Couldn’t make a fist
With a closed hand as such!

How am I so bad at this?
I do it every day!
Every swing’s a miss!
I’m cheeseless holes in swiss!
I lose twice for every play!

How am I so bad at this?
Not why, but how!
I’ve been doing it for years!
You’d think the fact that I exist
Would count for something somehow.

How am I so bad at this?
I’m glad to have to ask.
I’d be easy to dismiss,
So easy to like less,
If instead I were to ask,
How am I so good at this?

Mountain’s coming!
It’s done just sitting,
It’s up and running!
Mountain crashed through the meadow,
Splashed the lake like a puddle
And turned it to rain,
Dashed down its own slope,
Smashed the hills to plains,
Tossing clouds aside,
Giving whole herds a ride!
A knock at the door!
Mountain’s here!
Come in, come in,
Mountain dear.
The fire’s on
And full of cheer.
Sit and rest an hour or years,
They’re all the same here.

Promises for sale!
Promises for sale!
Guaranteed to never fail
Till someone offers more!
Promises for sale!
Two for the price of four!

It’s a real relief to lose your head
So let that worry go.
No one expects a clever thread
To weave or knit or deftly sew
Its way into a smarter quilt
And no one knows you, by the why,
So drop that wormy guilt
And hold your neck up high.

Folks can’t believe you do anything at all!
They’re impressed if you get out of bed!
It’s loose, just let it fall!
More folks should lose their pretty head.
As you have likely guessed –
I know where my head is at
And, I’ll happily confess,
That’s the end of that.